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| 1 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: Call me mint jelly, 'cause I'm on the lam! |
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| 2 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals, who remember the good old days, when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. |
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| 3 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank Heaven for children. |
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| 4 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: I got a home remedy that'll put the zowzers back in your trousers. |
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| 5 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: Whenever I'm confused I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions. |
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| 6 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I've never fully understood why that is. Frankly, I can see an upside to it. |
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| 7 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh, look at that one! |
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| 8 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: I'm thirsty. Ooh, what smells like mustard? There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. Ooh! Look at that one! Oh, my glaucoma just got worse. The president is a demi-crat. Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt. There are too many leaves in your walkway. Why are you people avoiding me? Does my withered face remind you of the grim specter of death? |
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| 9 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember and a song that may never have existed and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to. |
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| 10 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: Ooh, I feel all funny. I'm in love! No, wait, it's a stroke. No, wait, it is love. |
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| 11 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: Step right up and witness the magnificent medicinal miracle of Simpson & Son's patented Revitalizing Tonic! Put some ardor in your larder with our energizing, moisturizing tantalizing, romanticizing, surprising, her-prising, revitalizing tonic! I doubt very highly that one elixir can boast so many fantastic properties. |
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| 12 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: Now as for your generation And for the minimal outlay of one dollar you can take home a bottle of liquid Lothario distilled Don Juan, catalytically carbonated Casanova. Lock old Rover in the shed, because man has a new best friend in Simpson & Son's Revitalizing Tonic. |
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| 13 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: Make me proud... or at least less ashamed. |
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| 14 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: Ah, poop in your fist. |
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| 15 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: You're not so tough when someone hits you from behind with a golf club, are you? |
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| 16 | Abe Simpson  | THE SIMPSONS 1989 Animated Series | Other | Quotes | Quotes |
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 | THE SIMPSONS Abe Simpson Abe Simpson: You'll never take me alive, Grim Reaper! |
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