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| 1 | Antoinette & Larry   | Quotes | Quotes |
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Antoinette & Larry
Antoinette: Larry, you've got something on your forehead.
Larry: I believe that's called
a smiley face.
Antoinette: What's it doing there?
Larry: Well, a disgruntled woman drew it with sunblock and then I fell asleep in the sun... She owed me $60 and wouldn't pay me, so I... I brought it up. It's not hers!
Antoinette: Right.
Larry: It's not hers. It's my money. Am I crazy?
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| 2 | Cheryl & Larry  | Quotes | Quotes |
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Cheryl & Larry
Cheryl: Oh, Larry.
Larry: Call me "Mr. Tibbs".
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| 3 | Dr. Thurgood & Larry | Quotes | Quotes |
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Dr. Thurgood & Larry
Dr. Thurgood: Larry, maybe I can help you understand this way. I had a client. He was quite an illustrious well-known director. I don't want to reveal who he was, but he did direct "Star Wars." And he enjoyed in his repertoire of things that he liked to see prostitutes. Now in that particular situation, if he were to hire a prostitute, let's say for an hour, which was normal for him...
Larry: You might as well call him George Lucas. I mean, that's who directed "Star Wars."
Dr. Thurgood: Well, I would never say that. I would never say that.
Larry: You just told me who it was.
Dr. Thurgood: I merely alluded to the fact that he was a well-known director. Now one of the things that he needed to complete his work...
Larry: Everybody knows who directed "Star Wars."
Dr. Thurgood: Not everyone is in show business, Larry.
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| 4 | Elaine & Jerry | Quotes | Quotes |
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Elaine & Jerry
Elaine: so what are you going to
be, uncle Jerry your whole life? I just think it would be nice if she knew who her father was.
Jerry: Clark kent didn't know who his father was till he was 16 and he turned out pretty good.
Elaine: Jerry, his planet was destroyed. He was fortunate to discover the crystals in the fortress of solitude. Isabel's not going to have any of those crystals.
Jerry: You know about the crystals?
Elaine: Of course I know about the crystals.
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| 5 | Haboos, Larry & Michael | Quotes | Quotes |
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Haboos, Larry & Michael
Haboos: Oh, look at this man. He's like your brother.
Larry: He's a bald brother.
Michael: I don't believe this. I've heard so much about you. Larry has just sort of
praised you to the skies.
Larry: I've been raving.
Haboos: Oh, well, I have so few dates, and tonight I have a date with two handsome men. It's like Daredevil. You're like Daredevil.
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| 6 | Irma | Quotes | Quotes |
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Irma
Irma: It's better than I expected. But I have low expectations.
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| 7 | Jennifer | Quotes | Quotes |
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Jennifer
Jennifer: Well, come on, Mr. Softee.
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| 8 | Josh Mankiewicz | Quotes | Quotes |
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Josh Mankiewicz
Josh Mankiewicz: Look, we've all experienced bad service before, but for most of us, there's not much you can do about it. Maybe write a negative Yelp review, or maybe you just don't go back to the place. But Larry David has chosen a different path. This is Mocha Joe's, a small coffee shop serving the Westside of Los Angeles, and this is Latte Larry's. Why two coffee shops right next to each other? We went to the man himself for answers...
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| 9 | Larry | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry
Larry: Have you seen my sunglasses? My... you know, my Dr. Strangelove sunglasses? ...I've been looking all over for them. I love those glasses.
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| 10 | Larry | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry
Larry: I think I might've left my sunglasses here. You know, the Dr. Strangelove glasses? Yeah, would you mind looking for them?
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| 11 | Larry | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry
Larry: Okay. First of all, the night before, I didn't have a very good night's sleep. I'm dreaming I'm in a fish tank with a lot of little guppies around me and goldfish, and they're all pecking at me. Pecking, pecking, pecking. They weren't hurting me. And then in the morning, I'm going, "I wonder why I had that dream. Is it because I said I don't really like salmon?" I never said anything else about fish. And so, I'm exhausted. And I go to the driving range that morning, and I'm sitting on the bench. I'm thinking about what I'm going to have for lunch. I'm not gonna have fish, I know that. Then I hear Jimmy. He's giving a lesson. Vertical drop, horizontal tug...
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| 12 | Larry & Gregor | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry & Gregor
Larry: I think you're all in cahoots. You're getting a kickback.
Gregor: Kickback?
Larry: You're recommending somebody to your brother, Timor, and then he's paying you for the recommendation.
Gregor: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is fantasy. This is science fiction. This is Star Wars.
Larry: No, no, no, this is not fantasy.
Gregor: This is spaceship to moon. This is nothing.
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| 13 | Larry & Jennifer | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry & Jennifer
Larry: Well, so... How was that?
Jennifer: It was good... You know what I'd like to do now? Go for a really long drive.
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| 14 | Larry & Leon | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry & Leon
Larry: Hey, did you ever see this movie Arabesque?
Leon: Nah. Is that one of those Star Trek movies?
Larry: No, no. It's an old movie with Sophia Loren. She's gorgeous.
Leon: Is she naked in the movie?
Larry: No, it was... it was from the '60s. Nobody got naked in the '60s.
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| 15 | Larry & Leon | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry & Leon
Larry: How do I look?
Leon: You look fucking ridiculous with a peanut fucking head.
 
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| 16 | Larry & Michael | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry & Michael
Larry: Well, I don't know how any human
could dance to that tempo. You'd have to be Flash.
Michael: Who?
Larry: Forget it. It's a comic book character. Wore the red costume. The guy in the red costume.
Michael: I don't even know what red is.
Larry: It's hard to talk to a blind guy.
You have no references.
Michael: I don't know comics, Larry.
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| 17 | Larry & Michael J. Fox | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry & Michael J. Fox
Larry: To me it's a little rude. If I went to see one of your movies and I was talking, you probably wouldn't like it.
Michael J. Fox: I'd be surprised. Where are you gonna see one of my movies? It was like 1985 last time I was in a movie.
Larry: Okay, if I saw one of your movies in 1985, you wouldn't like it if I was talking.
Michael J. Fox: This is getting into time travel. This is getting weird.
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| 18 | Larry & Stewart | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry & Stewart
Larry: You listen to me, Superman. I want that trick.
Stewart: No can do. I apologize. I can't do anything. You're not a magician.
Larry: You're not a magician either, Stewart.
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| 19 | Larry & Sue | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry & Sue
Larry: What's with the snub?
Sue: Oh, come on, Larry. You're acting like you don't know?
Larry: What? I don't know why... what? Larry: What did I do?
Sue: All right, let me give you a clue, okay? Starts with a "J" and it ends with an "I".
Larry: Jedi?
Sue: It's Jodi, okay?
Larry: What did you hear?
Sue: Well, I heard that you just got so excited, like you were so happy that she wasn't with women anymore.
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| 20 | Larry David | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry David
Larry David: I have a system. I... I have... I have a system.
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| 21 | Larry David | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry David
Larry David: I'm ready to terminate. I'm terminating. I think I can terminate. You know what I am? I'm the terminator. I am the terminator.
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| 22 | Larry David | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry David
Larry David: l like that whole Clark Kent thing you got happening there.
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| 23 | Larry David | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry David
Larry David: You wear that dress because you want people to look at your shoes, is that it?
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| 24 | Larry David | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry David
Larry: If they took all the pillows away, there was no more pillows in the world... do you think that would affect you adversely? Do you think you would notice it? Do you think it would bother you throughout the day? "There's no pillows on this couch." I know at night, it would have an effect at night. ...A world without pillows. A Twilight Zone episode, all the pillows, gone. There are no pillows. There's cushions to sit on, but no pillows.
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| 25 | Larry, Interpreter & Jimmy | Quotes | Quotes |
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Larry, Interpreter & Jimmy
Larry: I couldn't yell, "fore". I mean, he can't hear. And what would be the point? I waved. I did a lot of waving.
Interpreter: When you talk, the interpreter can hear you.
Larry: I know, but he was too far. He was in the car.
Jimmy: We could have ran to the trees!
Larry: There was no time! The ball was coming down!
Jimmy: There was plenty of time. You yell "fore" when you hit it!
Larry: Superman couldn't get there in time to stop that.
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| 26 | Leon & Mary Ferguson | Quotes | Quotes |
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Leon & Mary Ferguson
Leon: Mary-fuckin'-Ferguson.
Mary Ferguson: Leon!
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| 27 | Richard Lewis | Quotes | Quotes |
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Richard Lewis
Richard Lewis: I've gotta get out. This is giving me the creeps. I only met him once and he nipped at me. I shouldn't even be here. I didn't even like the dog. This is... I can't... It's like a Twilight Zone.
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| 28 | Shara & Larry | Quotes | Quotes |
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Shara & Larry
Shara: Fuck me, you fucking Jew!
Larry: Filthy Jew.
Shara: Filthy Jew.
Larry: Filthy fucking Jew!
Shara: You zionist pig. You occupying fuck. Occupy this!
Larry: Yeah. Yeah, I'm an occupier. I'm an occupier.
Shara: I'm going to fuck the Jew out of you.
Larry: Yeah. Well, that's not so easy.
Shara: You want to fuck me like Israel fucked my country? Show me what you've got!
Larry: This reminds me of something Theodor Herzl once said.
Shara: Yeah, take it, Jew. Take it, Jew. Oh! Fuck me, you Jew bastard! Fuck me like Israel fucks my people! Show me the promised land, huh? Labe, son of Nat.
Larry: Keep my father out of it, will you?
Shara: You circumcised fuck.
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| 29 | Susie | Quotes | Quotes |
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Susie
Susie: Fuck me, Tex!
 
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| 30 | Susie, Jeff & Larry | Quotes | Quotes |
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Susie, Jeff & Larry
Susie: Who's down there with you, Jeffrey?
Jeff: It's Larry.
Larry: Hey.
Susie: He's not supposed to be here.
Larry: What? I have immunity.
Susie: Oh, you think so?
Larry: And can I tell you something? I feel like Superman.
Susie: Do you really?
Larry: I can go anywhere, do anything.
Susie: How could you be so happy right now? You gave Bruce COVID, Larry! You destroyed his life, his career. He might never play or sing again.
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| 31 | Wanda Sykes | Quotes | Quotes |
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Wanda Sykes
Wanda Sykes (When Larry and Cheryl's new dog barks at her): One of y'all wanna grab Cujo?
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| 32 | Yari | Quotes | Quotes |
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Yari
Yari: You know, before I came out today I think about I'm like the Steinbrenner. And I think, "What would Steinbrenner say right now?" He would say that when you put on this uniform with my name on it, there is no substitute for winning! No substitute! Or you hit the deck. So we're going to go out there, we're going to play this other team, quote unquote, Raleigh's clothing with their pussy mustard-yellow shit uniforms. We aren't just going to beat them, we will grab them and we will fuck their sisters in the cunt! Are you listening? Bring it in. Come on. Fuck these people!
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